RAIN & SCOTCH
Subject:
REVISED: ...Rain & Scotch... NC17
(M/S)
Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction story and I feel like I am following
in the footsteps of some wonderfully inspiring writers such as Barbara Wood.
This story is a romance fanfic so if that's not your deal then I suggest you run
like the wind, if you're still here then I hope you like it. This isn't an
actual X-File.
RATING: NC-17 Not TOO graphic sex, but romance and loving sex;
DISCLAIMER:
I own no-one. Thanx to Chris Carter for creating them, thanx to David Duchovny
and Gillian Anderson for giving the characters life, faces, voices and souls.
Thanx to Depeche Mode for one of the most wonderful songs of all time "Enjoy
The Silence" (Written by Martin Gore)
Rain
& Scotch
By Alien
9:30
pm
Washington, DC
He'd
seen too much and he couldn't handle being alone, but there he was, alone as
always in the darkness of his apartment. He sat on the couch and stared into the
stillness of the room. On the table before him was an unopened bottle of Scotch,
his badge and his gun. He sat still with his back straight, his eyes unblinking
and unfocused wishing he had the strength to pick up either the bottle or the
gun.
Outside
of the apartment the first hurricane of the season slammed into the east coast.
The wind ripped at the apartment windows, the rain poured down flooding the
streets with cold, angry water. Inside the apartment the only thing he could
hear was the storm beating against his walls and the sound of his own breaking
heart. He closed his eyes.
There
was only so much he could go through, so much the hidden powers of the
government could do to him before he would break like a willow caught in a
vicious summer squawl. Someone he never knew took away his childhood with one
well thought out action; he had denied himself a present because of his search
for the truth; and ultimately, he supposed, he was robbing himself of a future
because he couldn't stand the aloneness of this moment, the not knowing, the
longing to find Samantha and with that the forgiveness of his now dead father.
Deep down he wanted someone to take away all his pain, all the emptiness; but
since there was no-one who could do that, no-one he would allow, he sat alone.
He had adopted his self destructive streak long ago hoping to avoid this night,
thinking it would only be a matter of time before he drew that one assignment,
that final assignment, which would end all of this: his pain, his nightmares,
his life.
"Mulder,
how long are you going to sit here in the dark?" Scully asked from the
doorway.
He
looked up briefly before returning his gaze to the nothingness of the room in
front of him. Scully leaned against the door jam and sighed. She knew he
wouldn't hear her come in, not if he was in one of his moods, and from the sight
of him, a beaten and battered silouette on the couch, she could tell he was. It
broke her heart to have to stand there and stare at him through the darkness
silently wishing his misery away.
Slowly
Scully slipped out of her coat and put it on the chair by the door. She stood
still again digging her hands into the pockets of her jeans waiting to see if he
would speak. He was silent and as her eyes adjusted to the dimmness of the room
she could make out the bottle, the badge and the Smith and Wesson on the coffee
table that stood between her and her partner.
She
closed her eyes briefly and sighed again, this time feeling pain creep into her
chest. He only drank on those rare occasions when he simply had no other options
left. She knew it was only human nature to turn to something ,albeit liquor,
food or whatever, in an effort to stave off the pains of life. His tendency to
occasionally seek an anesthetic for his relentless pain didn't scare her;
however, the sight of the gun on the table alongside the Scotch did.
Quietly
Scully crossed the room pausing briefly alongside the table in order to bend
down and pick up his gun. He didn't move as she removed it and walked into the
kitchen where she dropped it into the drawer he kept all his junk in, the drawer
alongside the sink he didn't think she knew about. She turned and walked back
into the living room after taking two milk glasses out of the cabinet alongside
the refrigerator. Scully knew Mulder's kitchen as well as she knew her own and
she wondered if he realized that, she wondered if he realized just how well she
knew him.
Sitting
down on the couch alongside Mulder she set down the two glasses and reached for
the unopened bottle of Scotch. As she wrapped her pale fingers around the neck
of the bottle Mulder's left hand reached out and covered it.
"What
are you doing?" he asked in a quiet, tired voice.
"Pouring us a drink." she stated flatly, gently pulling away from his
grasp. She cracked open the seal and unscrewed the cap, breaking the mussoleum
silence of the apartment. Placing the bottle between her knees she reached for
the milk glasses. She poured two generous portions of Scotch into the milk
glasses and put them back on the table. One in front of her and one in front of
Mulder. She recapped the bottle and placed it on the floor alongside of the
couch and sat back staring at him.
"Scotch isn't your drink," he said in the same tired tone.
"Oh, what is my drink, Mulder?"
"Red wine."
"You've
been paying attention." she said leaning forward and picking up the glass
between her thumb and forefinger. She settled back on the couch and balanced the
glass on her knees as she pulled her legs up against her chest, making her look
younger than she already was. Too young in fact, he often thought on the nights
sleep never came to relieve him, too young to have eyes that wise and nightmares
that vivid.
"Go
home, Scully, I'll see you at work tomorrow." Mulder said, his voice taking
on an almost automated quality.
"There is no work for you tomorrow, Mulder, just sleep." Scully said
simply. He watched her as she tipped the warm Scotch into her mouth. It burned
like mercury sliding down her throat. She grimaced then relaxed as she felt the
liquid warm her storm chilled belly.
"No
work, Scully? There's always work to do; lies to support, lives to ruin or worse
- leave them ruined. I'll work tomorrow and I'll sleep in hell." Mulder
answered in low tones. Scully looked at him and finished the rest of her Scotch
and set the empty glass on the table.
"I'm already one ahead of you, Mulder, I suggest you catch up before I
finish that bottle all by myself."
"Go away,Scully."
"No."
"Scully," "Damnit, Mulder," she snapped quietly, "don't
do this to me, don't lock me out of your life like this."
Mulder looked at her with heavy, red rimmed eyes and asked in a gentle and
sincere voice, "What life, Scully?"
Scully
lowered her knees and shifted herself around so she was facing him, sitting with
her feet tucked beneath of her, adding slightly to her height. He only looked at
her briefly and then returned his gaze into the dark, leaving her staring at the
side of his face. She shook her head and reached out to gently touch his
shoulder whispering,
"This
life, Mulder." "I have no life here, Scully. I'm a lonely man, who
comes home to an empty apartment every night. My obsessions lead me to dead ends
and my partner and only friend into danger."
"You're not alone, Mulder."
"Of course not, Scully, we almost forgot about my vast collection of women
hiding on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in my bedroom."
"At least you finally moved them from the bookcase in here."
Her humor felt flat, even to her, and she sighed and reached for the bottle,
again pouring another generous amount of Scotch into the milk glass.
"Why
are you here, Scully?"
"To save you from yourself,"
"Isn't that just a little bit cliche, even for you?"
"Mulder, what do you want from me?"
"To go home and stop drinking my liquor."
"I'll gladly buy you another bottle, Mulder, but I'm not leaving."
He
turned and stared at her hard and she remained unflinching, once again balancing
the glass she was holding on her knee. He looked at her, her fiery red hair,
fierce aquatic blue eyes and just shook his head. She had eyes he could get lost
in, drown in, eyes that reminded him of the skies before a summer thunder storm.
Eyes filled with every emotion he couldn't express. All he knew how to express
anymore was sarcasm, rage and exhaustion. He didn't know how he forgot all the
emotions in between.
He
turned away when he realized he was staring. He reached for the milk glass on
the table.
"What?" she asked as he lifted the glass of Scotch to his lips and
knocked it back without flinching. He replaced the glass on the table and leaned
back on the couch letting the warmth spread across his body.
"Why won't you go home, Scully?" he asked in a distant voice.
"You know, Mulder, I'm beginning to feel unwanted. I drove all the way over
here, through a hurricane for God's sake, and all you want me to do is get the
hell out."
"Why?" he repeated his question looking at her. Her eyes were
emotional whirl pools he instantly fond himself sinking into.
"Because
I don't want to go home, Mulder."
"Nothing'll happen if you leave."
"Doesn't matter, Mulder, I doubt anything would have happened if I didn't
come over."
"What makes you so sure?" he asked simply.
She looked at him and met his eyes kindly, "Because you wouldn't do that to
me."
Mulder
looked at her defeated. He stretched his legs out and propped them on the table.
It was over. She had shown up on his doorstep, walked into his apartment,
dismantled the bomb ticking softly in his chest, and now all he was left with
was a bottle of Scotch and his beautiful partner by his side.
Scully
leaned forward and poured him some more Scotch. Then she put the bottle back on
the floor, leaned back and handed him the glass smiling. He took it from her
hand, careful not to touch her fingers as he did so, and set the glass against
his chest. She watched him with a mild smile and after a second she put her
glass in the air between them, bridging the chasm, which they had dug together
in acts of self preservation, with one motion.
He
looked at her through half closed eyes, his face voiced the question his silence
supported.
"To us, Mulder," He breathed a short laugh as he lifted his glass to
meet hers.
"To us, Scully,"
They
watched one another as they clinked their glasses and swallowed their liquor.
Mulder reached for her empty glass and set it on the floor alongside his own and
let them fall into silence.
***
"So,
where'd you put my gun, Scully?"
"In your junk drawer in the kitchen."
Mulder looked down at her with a furrowed brow. She was laying on the floor with
her head on her hands. He was stretched face down across the couch and she was
spread out on the floor alongside of him.
"How do you know about my junk drawer?"
"I'm with the FBI, remember? It's my job to know these things."
"So, what else do you know, Agent Scully?"
"Uh-uh, I will never reveal the fruits of my careful government
investigations, Mulder." she replied turning over on her back and staring
at the ceiling. They fell into a friendly silence again.
***
"Now
what happens?" he asked listening to the sounds of the stereo and the cold
summer rain beating against his window. Scully shrugged looking up at him from
the floor. His eyes were clearer than they had been when she first walked into
his apartment earlier in the evening. His face didn't look as pained, but she
knew her presence did very little to asuage the war which raged within his heart,
mind and soul. When she first walked into his office, how ever many years ago it
had been now, she never thought this would have happened, she never would have
thought this was the responsibility she was taking on. She never thought they
would wind up feeling so responsible for one another.
"I
don't know."
Scully
yawned and stretched her back out against the hardness of the floor. She heard
muscles and tendens creek and crack in the quiet of the apartment.
"Getting old there, Scully?"
"Well, I personally hold you responsible for any premature grey I may find
in my hair."
He smiled at her in a strange way and she felt her cheeks flush a little in the
dark of the room. The storm outside had subsided a little but it was still
raining. They fell silent again and listened to the melody of the raindrops
beating against the window.
***
She
heard his watch chime midnight. She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep on
the floor but she could feel him sitting alongside of her stroking her hair
gently.
"It's getting late, Scully."
"I know," she said, her voice scratchy with sleep. She yawned and kept
her eyes closed.
"I don't think I'm going into work tomorrow." Mulder said quietly as
he ran his fingers through her hair enjoying the feel of her red locks against
his long fingers.
"Probably a good idea, I'll get more done with you home, anyhow, less of a
distraction." she added absently. She rolled over onto her side and moved
closer to Mulder's warmth.
"I'm a distraction? " He frowned with a smile. "I'm insulted."
"So much for your undying quest for the truth," she said feeling him
spread a warm afgan over her tired body. She didn't move as she felt him stretch
out alongside of her under the afgan. She could feel his warm breath against her
forehead as he continued to stroke her hair.
"I should go, it's late." she said quietly, she could feel herself
slipping slowly back into sleep.
"Of course you should go," Mulder said quietly. She didn't move and
neither did he.
***
... Vows are spoken to be broken
Feelings are intense, words are trivial
Pleasures remain - so does the pain
Words are meaningless and forgettable...
***
His
watch chimed again and this time she woke up in his arms. He was on his back
with his head against a pillow, his mouth opened slightly. She found herself
leaning her head on his outstretched arm, her own arm draped carefully over his
rising and falling chest. His other hand gently held her own. She looked at him
without the slightest trepidation. Nothing had happened, he was a gentleman who
hadn't even gone so far as to take off her shoes. It was only a matter of time
before they wound up there, together, arm in arm as if they had been long time
lovers fearless in the safety of his apartment in Alexandria.
She
had stopped deceiving herself long ago, stopped living in fear of the enevitable.
Two people who worked so closely together, lived so close, breathed the same
air, thought the same thoughts, would eventually come to this. She had been in
no hurry, though. No. No hurry at all. Her mother had taught her patience as a
child, patience which she had been drawing on like a saving well since she had
met Mulder, since their first case together, their first stake out, their first
cup of coffee shared as friends. They had become confessors and eventually
confessors often found themselves in places like these.
She
closed her eyes but didn't fall asleep, she simply moved closer to him and
resting her head in the crook of his arm wondering what he was dreaming.
***
She
woke up again from the sound of a body moving in the darkness and the feel of
his hand on her.
"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"
"No, you haven't."
"You are honestly the most beautiful woman I've ever met."
She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her. During the night they had again
changed positions and this time she was on her back and he was alongside of her,
his head propped up on his hand, and his other hand resting gently on her
stomach.
"What time is it?"
"Dunno."
"How long have you been staring at me?"
"A while."
"Oh."
She
turned her head and looked out the window. It was still raining. She slowly
turned back and looked at Mulder who was still looking down at her.
"You're the only person in the world I trust, Scully."
"You better, Mulder, we're all we've got."
"Who would have thought it?"
"Not me, Mulder, not me," she said lifting her hand and touching his
cheek. She gently began to trace his jaw line, running her pale fingers along
the curves of his face, his chin, and up to his ears. His mussed hair gave his
face a young boyish look, the brown of his hair bringing out the gentle earth
tones of his wide bright eyes. She opened up her hand and touched the side of
his face with her palm feeling the bristles of his beard against her hand. He
was warm and she could feel him trembling slightly against her touch. She had
always loved that face.
Without
removing her hand she turned onto her side and faced him in the gentle light of
the dark room. They were silent. She met his soft gaze, sinking into the misty
light of his eyes, seeing her own reflection in his face. They were calm. She
continued to touch his face, she traced his eye brows with her thumb, moving
slowly to his eye lids which fell closed gently. She ran her thumb across his
cheek bone and then down the plane of his face finally resting on his lips. He
instinctively wet his lips as she traced the lines of his mouth.
He
could feel her learning his face, discovering the gentle contours and slopes
which made him different from other men she may have been with in the past. He
could feel the gentleness, the kindness of her touch, and he revelled in the
unadulterated tenderness and love of her hands. He had never felt something so
loving and he knew he would never find that love in the arms of any other woman.
Could it finally be happening, what he had dreamt about all this time since he
had looked into thos dazzling blue eyes for the first time, he asked himself.
Mulder
opened his eyes and saw her staring at him with an open face. He knew what she
wanted and he slowly gave in to her silent pleading. He searched her eyes for a
moment and then reached out and touched her face with a warmness she had never
felt. He placed his palm against her cheek and covered her lips with his thumb.
"I
need you like I've never needed another woman in my life, and never will need
another woman ever again. I look at you and you remind me I'm alive, remind me
that I'm not alone, that there is one person I can trust..." his voice
trailed off for a moment as he looked at her softly.
"You've
stood by me, you've followed me, you've lead me, you've saved me and you've let
me save you. You're my partner, my best friend, my confidant, my sanity, and the
only woman I'll ever love." he said watching her lips curl gently beneath
his thumb.
"I
don't want to ever be without you, I don't want to go running off without you
anymore. I want you by my side for always because I don't think I could ever
live without you. Dana," he said blinking slowly letting warm salty tears
slip from his bright eyes, "Dana, I'm not sure I know how to do this but I
know I can't live without you. I tried once.." he paused blinking his eyes,
"and I don't ever want to do it again."
Scully
reached for his hand with her own and clutched it tightly. She moved his hand
and kissed his palm carefully and moved it away from her mouth and whispered,
"Fox, just love me and let me love you and everything else will just happen..."
she said letting her voice trail off losing herself in his wet eyes. He smiled
slightly and squeezed her
"I've
dreamt about this," he whispered touching her face with trembling fingers.
"I thought you didn't sleep, Mulder." she breathed slowly.
"Only when I'm thinking of you, Scully." he said, his voice shakey.
Scully smiled and waited for him. Their eyes met and he slowly lowered his face
to meet her own. Scully closed her eyes and held her breath. Mulder paused for
only a short moment, taking in her still face only a hair's breath from his own.
He closed his own eyes as their lips met.
His
touch was very hesitant at first. He merely brushed her lips with his own in a
light, innocent kiss. He breathed in her scent, her breath and slowly touched
her lips again. She touched his face and her fingers were electric. He slowly
opened his mouth and tasted her lips with his tongue, tasting her sweetness,
tasting her. He probed her lips for the first time feeling as if he was tasting
something sweet, something he had been dreaming of his entire life. He felt safe,
aroused, in love and at peace. He felt her open her mouth and touch his tongue
with her own. Her movements were equally as hesitant, equally as sensual.
She
slowly moved her tongue over his lips, edging past his teeth in to his open
mouth. She met his tongue and moved around it carefully with her own. It was the
innocent first time kiss of two high school virgins, slow, gentle. She pulled
him closer to her. He let her draw him nearer to her, he felt her heart beating
through her shirt, thumping against his chest. How he loved this woman he held
trembling in his arms. Scully pulled away from his lips and looked up at him. He
stared back at her, watching himself reflected in her pale eyes. He watched as
tears slid down her cheeks as she smiled at him gently.
"Make
love to me," she said, whispering, but still the words seemed like an
intrusion in the darkness of the room. He looked at her and closed his eyes, his
breath catching painfully in his chest. He lifted his hand, shaking, and touched
her face carefully.
"I love you," he said quietly, almost inaudibly.
She turned her head and nuzzled his hand, "And I love you."
Slowly,
Mulder began to take off her shirt. Scully layed back and allowed him to undress
her. With trembling hands he unbuttoned the blue denim shirt she was wearing.
When he reached the final button he allowed the shirt to fall open exposing a
dark green bra. He ran a hand down her chest, over her stomach and let it rest
on the button of her jeans. Her skin was so soft beneath his warm fingers. He
looked at her face briefly and saw the faint smile which played across her pink
lips as she lay still with closed eyes. He let his eyes move down her body
slowly. He sat up and leaned over to unlace her walking boots. He slipped them
carefully from her feet and slipped off her socks. Slowly, after moving the
boots out of the way, he lay back down alongside of her. With slow, deliberate
hands, he unzipped her jeans and pulled them slowly over her hips and down her
legs. He looked at her through sparlking eyes laying alongside of him in her
open shirt, green bra and matching plain bikini panties.
Looking
at her laying on his floor like that, in all her beautiful glory, he was almost
afraid to touch her. She opened her eyes and sought out his own in the darkness.
He slipped off her shirt and set it on the couch with her jeans. As he sat next
to her he pulled his own t-shirt off and slowly pulled off the faded blue jeans
he was wearing. He leaned back down in only his boxer shorts and put his hand
against her belly.
"You're
beautiful." he said leaning down and kissing her. As an answer to the
compliment he paid her she lifted her arms and wrapped them around him in a
tight embrace as their kiss became more passionate, more needy as arousal
engulfed them both sweeping them away in its tide.
Mulder
moved his hands down Scully's back and unclapsed the bra and slowly pulled it
from her. He moved away from her mouth and explored first her neck, then slipped
down to her collar bone tasting her sweat and breathing in the scent of her. He
kissed her breasts, taking her hardened nipples into his mouth, moving his
tongue slowly, carefully and then sucking harder until she called out his name
and buried her hands in his hair. To feel her being so exited because of him
aroused him even more. He moved his mouth slowly from her pale breasts and
trailed kisses down her stomach pausing to dip his tongue into her naval. She
gasped at the pleasure of his firey touch and whimpered when he finally pulled
her panties from her body, dropping his mouth into the core of her being,
exploring her, tasting her, exciting her in the most intimate ways.
Scully
closed her eyes and arched her back as if to urge him to reach deeper,
desperately needing him inside her, melting at his touch, feeling like she had
never felt before. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to beg,
she wanted to take him in her arms and hold him forever.
"Mulder....Fox,
my god," she gasped as he moved away from her gently, slowly moving so he
could look into her eyes. She reached her hands up and grasped his face pulling
him to her. He touched her hands briefly and moved away so he could slip off his
boxer shorts. He returned to her grasp and looked into her face as he moved his
naked body against hers. She could feel his hardness against her and she stopped.
They looked at one another for a neverending moment.
Mulder
opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him with her fingers. She looked at
him with loving eyes and he leaned down and kissed her gently, touching her lips
with his own, feeling the heat from her mouth mixed with his own. As he deepened
the kiss, feeling her draw his tongue into her own mouth he slowly moved closer.
Scully breathed deeply as she felt him move on top of her. The need to have him
against her, in her, merging with her, filling her and making her whole was pure
agony but at the same time the biggest pleasure she could imagine. She moved her
hands down to his hips and guided him slowly as she opened for him.
He
entered her slowly overwhelmed by the first touch. He sank into her feeling her
tightness, hearing her whimper slightly as they merged into one being. He paused
as he waited for her to look at him. Scully opened her eyes and looked into
Mulder's. Slowly, she began to move her hips and lead him gently.She moved just
a little to take him in deeper. He leaned down and kissed her as they began to
move in synchrony. As he increased the pace of their love making she dug her
nails into his back and whispered his name. She could not escape his movements.
Not that she wanted to, she had been waiting for this for such a long time, she
had just never admitted it to herself. But she could never have imagined it
being that overwhelming and intense. Again the rocking rhythm of their two
bodies moving in unsion as if dancing and his slow but urging and strong thrusts
almost pushed her into a frenzy.
Mulder
closed his eyes as he gave in to the passion of the moment. His mind was clear
of everything but Scully, the woman he was drowning within. Their pace became
frantic and needy as their hands explored greedily, their mouths merged and
their breathing became one. He pulled away from her lips and buried his face in
her hair as he
He
cried out her name breathlessly feeling sweat pouring down his body as felt her
being pushed over the edge. Their lips met as they gasped for air. He pulled her
close to him, burying himself deeper into her as he fused himself with the only
woman he could ever love. Scully cried out with him, holding him tightly as she
finally fell into a world she had never known before.
***
... All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms
Words are very unneccesary - they can only do harm...
***
Mulder
pulled the afgan up to cover their cooling bodies. He pulled Scully close,
enjoying the feel of her heartbeat against his chest. She was beginning to doze
off in his arms, their hands entwined. He thought about whispering kind words
into her ear but decided to let the silence between them speak all the "I
love you's" that his heart and soul could muster.
... Enjoy The Silence...
As
she lay in his arms he could still feel her shudder, feel the waves of heat that
subsided slowly, the intervals getting longer but each single shiver being still
as sweet as the first one. He felt her squeeze his hand and he closed his eyes still
feeling her racing heart slow down and the rain continue to fall outside of his
apartment. He let sleep overcome him and for the first time he held everything
he had ever needed and ever wanted.
He
no longer held a friend.
He
held his life.
THE END
Das
Lustige an dieser Geschichte war, daß die Leute mit den unterschiedlichsten
Aussagen zu mir kamen. Die drei, die mir am längsten im Gedächtnis bleiben
werden, sind folgende:
"Warum ausgerechnet DUNKELgrüne Unterwäsche?" (Anna)
"Scotch könne man nicht zum Kippen verwenden, dazu verwende man lieber
Bourbon." (L.N.)
und schließlich die wohl lustigste:
"Ich hab mich die ganze Zeit gefragt, wann sie endlich poppen." (Jester)